Are you imagining laundry hanging up to dry or a bit too much of a celebration? Or if you know where I’m going, here’s your next question: how many sheets to the wind are we talking about?
In 1737, Benjamin Franklin published The Drinker’s Dictionary, a list of 228 “round-about phrases” to describe drunkenness. (More on that coming soon). Admittedly, no version of “sheets to the wind” or “sheets in the wind” (a possible older version) appeared on this list, but as you know (or might have guessed by this point), we’re talking about one more colorful expression to describe one who has imbibed too much alcohol.
Why do we need so many words and phrases? (A 2009 publication on the same subject included nearly 3,000 possibilities!) Well, to quote Franklin:
“Mankind naturally and universally approve Virtue in their Hearts, and detest Vice; and therefore, whenever thro’ Temptation they fall into a Practice of the latter, they would if possible conceal it from themselves as well as others, under some other Name than that which properly belongs to it.”
So, sure. Drunk. Sloshed. Wasted. Or, two of my favorites from Franklin’s list, “clipping the King’s English” or “contending with the pharaoh.” Maybe, as Franklin suggests, we have these words because reaching such a state is a shameful vice worth covering up. But whether you agree with this assessment or not, let’s get back to those sheets.
The expression for drunk is “three sheets to the wind” (most commonly).
Wait, most commonly?
Indeed.
Some argue the number “three” is a part of a scale, where one sheet to the wind is a bit tipsy, and four is losing consciousness. Three then, according to this scale, is wildly, flailingly drunk. Or perhaps “nimptopsical” to quote Franklin again.
So, now you know: in modern usage, the expression is “three sheets to the wind.”
But wait, there’s more.
Beyond adding another possibility to the profusion of synonyms for “drunk,” this isn’t the end of our conversation, because, of course, one might wonder about these sheets and their origin.
First things first, we’re not talking about laundry on the line, so we can take that off the list; however, there are two possible origin stories for “three sheets in the wind”—both of which are solid contenders. There might even be a connection between the two.
The most likely “three sheets to the wind” etymology story comes from either the idea that:
- Traditional windmills, most commonly, had four vanes or rotors that caught the wind. These rotors were covered in sheets, and caretakers of windmills might apply different numbers of sheets in different circumstances, for example no sheets when the windmill isn’t in use, two sheets for a slower rotation or in high-wind situations, or four sheets to fully capture the breeze. But what happens if one were to use one or three sheets? The entire windmill would be off-balance and wobbly, jerking and sputtering like a drunk, no? Historical records note many keepers of windmills claiming this expression, and because of the international usage of windmills on sea shores, sailors might have carried the expression from place to place.
or
- Sailors who’ve had too much to drink can be terrible at taking care of their ship. Now, we’re not talking about the “sails,” which one might assume when we’re saying “sheets.” No, different ropes have different names, depending on whether they’re vertical, horizontal, or otherwise, it seems. (Here’s where I insert my disclaimer that I’m only learning these nautical terms, so I welcome any clarification). But in short a “sheet,” as opposed to a “line” or a “halyard,” would be a specific type of rope or used to secure the mainsail and the headsail. And if three sheets were in the wind, meaning they’re not secure, the ship wouldn’t be able to sail as smoothly as it could. It might be juddering and out of control in its own right. Like someone drunk, right?
So windmills? Another nautical origin story? Both have their claims and their defenders, and personally, I’m going to keep digging. But what we do know in the end of all of this is that the magic number is three.
“Three sheets to the wind” is the expression you’re looking for. Not ten. Not twenty. Those guesses miss the mark. If they’re quoted to you by someone who’s had too much to drink, that’s one thing; however, now you, at least, know better.
Cheers!
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